Ok y’all, it’s bedtime and I am sitting here just feeling a gazillion different emotions so I thought maybe I should put some thoughts down to help clear my mind. My main thought is how very much I miss home and all that it entails. My kids, my daddy, and my friends. I miss grass and trees as well. This place has NO color. I already suffer from depression. Add a lack of color and it is multiplied by 100.
I would like to think that I will make it through this post without crying but I already feel the sting of tears welling up and a lump in my throat. Missing home is a normal emotion that comes and goes, but when you have such an amazing group of kiddos as I do, you just really want their arms around your neck.
You see, over the past 10 years, I’ve really struggled to stay afloat emotionally. I have made a boatload of mistakes that have really been tough on my children. I didn’t understand what was going on with me. I mean, soldiers do things they aren’t proud of, but they suck it up and go on. I spent years trying to fix it on my own and those kids were collateral damage, so to speak. After literally hitting rock bottom, I sought help. I got myself in with an amazing therapist who took the time to help me see things in the right perspective. I have bad times, and let’s face it, I still don’t get a full night of sleep without medicinal help, but I’m finding my way. Those wonderful humans who call me mama have managed to still love me even though I don’t deserve it. And if you ask me, THAT is the true definition of home.
I don’t have a husband. I don’t have sticks and stones to call home. Heck, I’m not even sure where I will live when I get back to that side of the Earth. What I do know is I will be sitting in a yard of green grass, listening to a breeze blow through some trees, and be surrounded by people who love me. My children, my daddy, and my family.
My child drew a picture of home for me before I left Mississippi. It is tattooed on my arm to remind me, and…
I am ready for home.
My People Are The Best People
The Soldier Mama 
Well that made me cry, like really. You are an amazing woman and Moma! We’ve all made mistakes, we’ve all felt like failures at times. But you know what, the Creator of this universe and everything inside of it entrusted you, did you hear me, YOU, with those precious babies as He entrusted me with mine, and well He doesn’t make mistakes! He knew what He was doing and He knew everything thing about us and them that would ever take place in our lives. I love you more than I can put into words so I love you BIG will have to work! Keep looking at that beautiful drawing and thinking of all the sweet memories you have and all the precious new ones you will make when you get back!!!! Love you babe! Ps let me know when you get your package 😘
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